From a very early age, I knew there was something different about me. The only way I describe it is as if my mind was detached from my body I live in. Peering into the mirror only confirmed that something was not right, but being so young how could I fix it.
I felt I had been born in the wrong body and life was so difficult. Why could I not dress and be the girl I knew I was. It was like I was being part of a living nightmare which I could never wake up from.
Being part of a large family, I was able to play a female role with my sisters, play dress up, dolls tea parties etc and no one really worried about it. I was able to share my elder sister’s clothes, shoes and makeup and being the seventies there was a lot of fakery available, hair pieces, lashes etc. Like any other girl I just loved to experiment with fashion and make up.
At night I used to cry myself to sleep and pray that I would wake up from my nightmare breaking free of the cocoon that encased my soul. Alas it never happened.
Very little was available about transgender issues and I felt I was the only one who felt this way, then one day I recall reading an article in a Sunday newspaper . The article was about a transsexual tennis star called Rene Richards. As if a switch had been turned on in my head, suddenly things were clear as to what it was that made me different to others, I was Transexual, suddenly on the horizon there was a glimmer of hope, albeit very slender.
At the age of 12 I was caught fully dressed in female attire by my parents. Unable to deal or understand it , what could have been a life changing moment , was swept under the carpet and not spoken about again, other than the occasional “don’t bring any of your nonsense into my life” so I was alone to deal with my feelings and try to unravel and make sense of everything .
As with many transgendered folk, my way of making sense of things was to fight against the inner female within. I tried to conform with the typical male stereotype, playing sport, following typical male pursuits, built a career in the male dominated construction industry and fell in love with a woman. By 22 I was married and we had two wonderful children, but something was missing.
I had suppressed my inner female and she was suffocating and felt caged. As my marriage failed my inner female found the strength to rise to the surface and I decided that it was time Vikki and Vic started living in harmony.
Today I am 51 and although I still struggle with myself, I can say with confidence that Vikki and Vic live as one and share the body we have been dealt with. Life would be easier if I were “normal” but then what is normal and who really cares anyway. The gender continuum is long and very diverse and somewhere on that continuum lays the gender known as Vikki.
As for the future.......who knows ??